After getting to a certain level of dancing a private teacher told me that I should pick my partners with greater care and focus on the more skillful and highly ranked followers. The problem is that this is an advice for performing artists or teachers who need to build up a unique artistic air and iconic power to attract students to their events!
When a social dancer applies this on their cabeceo strategies s/he will easily end up on the top of the skill pyramid and cannot find partners anymore - the number of suitable partners is growing low on this road. It is maybe ok for a performing teacher but a catastrophe for social dancers who need several enjoyable partners to fill the milonga night.
So it could be worth an effort to find an alternative mental model to better maintain a broad variety of attractive dance partners.
New image suggestionI have heard some stories about leaders who through practicing with or teaching followers at widely varying skill levels have developed a firm but versatile lead. It is stable but still sensitive to the differences in the partners' movements and can be easily adapted to them.
A leader is challenged in different ways and in my mind there are similarities between a person practicing dance and a person training in a gym. A Personal Trainer teaches you a form, a correct way to do a move and follows up how you use the weights, how your strength develops. In the same way a tango teacher will guide you to find the right way to do a move and monitors your development. The weights in tango are the different qualities - length, weight, personal ability, skill level and so on - which come with the partner, challenging your form. Do you have the strength to keep your axis in the right position, to stay relaxed even when your partner is continuously challenging you?
How to proceedWhen you are learning a new skill, a move, a sequence or technique you will most easily get it right with your teacher, or someone who knows it and is able to keep the correct form through the entire process.
Through practice you will learn to maintain the correct form in spite of an insecure partner or a challenging partner performance - your technique will get stronger through the repetitions in situations when there is pressure on your form.
Think of how the muscles grow when you are repeating an action/form in a gym machine. You can maintain the correct position and proceed through the repetitions correctly and slowly adding more weights. I am convinced that this is a valid idea for a practica too! When your skill on a move grows you will be able to challenge the form by a variety of different partners.
If you always and only dance with top skilled partners your strength is not developing so much. It is as challenging as if you choose 1kg weights at the gym! Compare it to what happens when you repeatedly take as heavy challenge as you can hardly manage?
But keep in mind! No pulling. No pushing. No squeezing. But soft, stable firmness and a correctly flowing pattern.
Pay attention!You need though pay attention to your own level - start with light weights and dance with easy partners when developing a new skill. When the form has stabilized search for tougher situations, challenge your form. Can you keep it stable in spite of the pressure from a less skilled partner?
If I get pain in my back the challenge was too large, I need to revert to lower weights or a less challenging partner to maintain the correct form. Or I need to change the dance hold to lessen the stressor.
ResultsYour training with various partners will improve your existing skills and when you want to proceed you can do so more easily. At the start you need supporting and good partners but this image, this way of thinking opens up a broader group of potential dance partners and training partners later on. I have noticed that this has also had an impact on my enjoyment level and dance flows more smoothly with an earlier rough partner! When people accept partners with varying skill it will have a positive impact on the dance level and atmosphere at your community too.
I have written this from a leader's point of view but it is well valid for the followers too! And when your skills grow you will pass the leader/follower period and reach the dancer/dancer situation when you create the shared dance as equal partners.