Tuesday, July 3, 2012

No thanks! and the distance

We all know how difficult it is to say No thanks! when verbally asked! I have never managed to do it nicely and it became even worse when I continued trying to explain, why I was not available for a tanda.

So I became a friend of cabezeo! It is amazing clear, easy to see even at a distance, if someone is avoiding my eyes and not interested to share next tanda with me. To me it was a surprise  that it worked even at Soul Tango festival where the followers were not used to dance with another woman. They giggled when they understood that my cabezeo was a serious one, but they stepped to the pista with me. It works other way round too! When I need to keep a tanda promise it is just so easy to focus on something else until I spot my follower.

The biggest surprise has been the experience of how soft and easy it was to say No thanks! at the shortest distance. I am dancing with this follower every now and then, not regularly so we don't know each other so well. On two occasions she has come to me and put her arms around my neck when asking for next tanda and when I couldn't I was able to tell it softly and I felt ok about it afterward.

If you need to say No thanks! it is always a negative message and sometimes even a surprising one. In most cases the reaction is a reasonable one but I still want to find ways to deliver the message in a more positive way.

I will definitely stop explaining why I can't. I can not see any possibility to succeed with that!

I try instead concentrate on the positive; Here we have someone who actually wants to share this tanda with me so I will try to find ways to comment this appreciation.

Because of the experience with my asking follower I think in some cases light physical contact could make it easier for the person to accept a No thanks!. You have got a no for this dance but you was treated as a human being.

And why should I bother?
I have felt that to some extent I will be dragged to the same feeling as the person who received my No; so if I can deliver my message in a good way we both will have a better night!

No comments: