Exploring the rules for a couple

It seems to be an important social construction to have a male/female mix in a dance couple and to have the one with the male attributes in the leading position.

I have been thinking about the exceptions when trying to understand what is included in these rules.

• In my teens it was accepted that young girls were dancing together at big Saturday night dances when they were learning the steps and getting used to dance flow.
• At that time adult women could dance together only if the music was fast. Never the slow ones.
• In family gatherings we ladies were dancing together freely!
• It is only in Argentinian tango I have seen men dancing together in west. I have one experience in China 1987 when I and my traveling partner ended up at a 1st of October celebration. There was several male couples dancing waltz but I could not spot any female couples.
• In many texts the mix of masculine and feminine energy in a couple is referred to. I do not understand the meaning of these two concepts yet. They are easily  understood as sexual energy but there must be something else too. Otherwise we could not accept couples where father/daughter, mother/son or brother/sister are dancing together - all grownups.
• I always accept if a man asks for a dance as a follower. I think they have the hardest time the get a dance. We have here the right mix but in wrong positions!
• One of our most handsome leaders is gay, sharing his life with another man. How are the energies when he is dancing with a woman? It looks great and is totally accepted combination. But to get the energy mix correct he should maybe dance with another man?

Learning situation seems to be the most open and you are even encouraged to test and learn the opposite position.
Intimacy is something for mixed couples but if the music is fast there is more playful steps and you can control the intimacy level. Within family too.
Formal situations can tolerate more. In several youtube performances I have seen the change of leader and follower taking the leading position. There is several male couples performing.
Age I think young ones and gray haired are allowed more freedom here.
Cultural preferences The rules are not in genes!


When I saw several role switches turn up in different youtube clip I got a feeling of a change in the air. We will se how it is going!


This is NOT ladies leading but ladies taking leading position!


You find Marta and Manolo shifting abrazo at 0.26

Claudia and Esteban changed the abrazo at 2.00

Nora and Juan Carlos does it several times during a milonga!

Helena and Alejandro do not shift  ;)

Searching for Improvisando

When I started to lead my main interest was the dynamic of the movements and fast steps forward. It was a true enjoyment and we were laughing a lot! It was also a dance on surface, on everyday level were we could in between the steps tell what has happened during the day.

Today I am more interested to find ways to create a quiet dance where our bodies are resting together carried by our feet's in small steps. Christine Dennistons book makes it even more interesting!

She explains there the highly appreciated state of meditative dance - Improvisando: When dancers who danced in the Golden Age talked about improvisation, they were referring to a higher level – the ultimate level of Tango to which they all aspired.This was the level where not only the follower but also the leader accessed the active meditative state, abandoning the self into the other, when a new creature was created with one heart leading all four feet, and being led by the music.

Followers have a remarkable advantage here! Followers get there first!
When they have an opportunity to relax, focus the attention to music and let their body move, they are nearly there.

I understand there is quite a lot of training needed for both to reach a technical level where steps are taken effortless and in flow to all directions. I think the music must also be suitable. Strong enough to move the bodies but not waking them up. Interesting so the brain can rest there.

For me the road is longer. According to Denniston the first step is to get the follower to the meditative state. Then I need a pista where dancers are moving regularly so I know my space and can trust that the space before me is not attacked by another couple. I need the cooperation of other leaders and I need to behave myself.

I have not been there but started to dream of it!               

                                                                  (...some kind of step forward...)



Chistine Denniston
the meaning of TANGO
The Story of the Argentinian Dance
p. 49-50

PS. Some driving friends have told me about the schock when they noticed they are at home but they have not an idea how they did drive the distance from startpoint. Some kind of active meditative state. It seems thou the Improvisando is a more memorable moment!

Puzzled!

I do not understand! and I do not have a tiniest idea about why...

I am a right hand  person and I am a left ear person! I always have the phone on left ear and I suppose the rest of my hearing relies on that ear. It is the sensitive one also and is the first in line to complain if something is wrong.

Therefore I have done my music training/listening only with my right earplug on as low level as possibly. But still it was the left ear to start hurting. Are the nerves bundled somehow so there is some kind of phantom pain or something?

Hey sister, we have a problem !

I feel deeply how the tandas without steps are looking for solution in wrong direction. Instead of blaming men ladies must find the solution among themselves and together contribute to the dance community they want to have.

Ladies must find ways to distribute the existing tandas among sisters more evenly!

If you want more men to attend the milongas find ways to make them come and stay!

You know your community and together you will find ways fitting your situation. Talk with your sisters! You can find some ideas in one of my earlier postings  Sisters it is time to take care of ourselves, solve our problems! It will be fantastic if men want to join, cooperate with us to get a better situation, but we must be the ones to fix it!

* In all stories about the old days I have read, ladies were respected. Good followers were few and bad steps were accepted and ignored so the followers could feel like queens.
* Men had a really strong social control among themselves. No newcomer came to the milonga without an invitation.
* Many hours of training was a total MUST. As a leader you need to know your steps well, and you need to know her steps so you can compensate if needed.

I feel a deep respect for the men of the old days, who worked hard during many years for a dance, created a strong social control within their group and nurtured respect for the ladies who hardly could move to the music. They did work hard and created a solution for a difficult situation.

I think ladies of today would win if cooperating with sisters, creating a positive social control and dance training. This could be one way to a more decent dance life!